i need more tony stark facing his anxiety
more clint barton with his hearing aid
more bruce banner growing and dealing
more natasha romanoff accepting her new family
more sam wilson dealing with his own past
more bucky barnes becoming bucky again
Basically we want Avengers: The Therapy Sessions
#UGH GOD UR NOT GOOD AT THIS ACTING THING STOP #OKAY BECAUSE STOP ACTING WITH YOUR EYES #YOUR ENTIRE BODY LANGUAGE SHOWS ASSASSIN BUT YOUR EYES SHOW SCARED CHILD HE’S STILL BUCKY IN HIS EYES #SHOVE A KNIFE UP MY ASS #IT’LL HURT LESS (norocket)
It kills me that there are moments when the Winter Soldier is doing stuff that he has the eyes of someone who DESPERATELY wants off the ride. I’m not sure how aware of anything he is internally, but there are moments his eyes look horrified, like something in there is aware and has no clue how to stop what’s happening. They’re too wide. Too startled. Like someone being forced to do something at gun point. He does it several times in this scene, and he does it when he catches the shield after shooting Fury.
This really makes me think of the thing that SebStan said about WS: that he isn’t empty, his mind is all over the place.
It’s one thing I noticed on my rewatch, which was exactly how much he remembered in the chair scene, when he’s like “But I knew him.” He flashed back to the train, being pulled through the snow, the experimentation, the arm. He wasn’t robbed of his memories, he was robbed of their significance. And so, he has nothing to focus on except the mission.
#ha ha ha#shoot me in the face it would be kinder#that’s why they put the mask on him y/y#it makes him less human it makes him a monster#if you’re trying to create a weapon you don’t want it staring at your target in bewilderment/worry#bucky trying to sort through his memories to figure out what these flashes of faces and snow and ice and mud mean#the only familiarity they leave him the only thing he knows concretely are weapons and orders and targets#it’s the only thing that makes sense#but#who the hell is bucky#sob#god#what a fucking question#and HE IMMEDIATELY ASKS IT#there is no ignoring it no continuing the mission#HE KNOWS HE SHOULD KNOW THIS#HE KNOWS THIS IS IMPORTANT#like how fucking awful is that that everything stops for him for a second#who the hell is bucky#he doesn’t get to ask questions he just gets orders but he ASKS THAT QUESTION
#YO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS#LIKE YO#YO YO YO SON#Steve#okay maybe steve did hate his body a little bit#how it was weak and got sick so often#and how people juswt passed over him most of the time and how they put him down#maybe he did hate all that back then but now that he’s seen the other side?#how because of how he looks and what he can do and just WHO HE IS NOW#no one believes he could have been that little scrawny kid#and everyone just looks at him and sees this person who looks like what everyone wants to be#and i think steve kind o misses having to prove himself?#because he doesnt have to anymore#people just take him at his word they believe him they’ll follow captain america into the jaws of death#what they dont realize is that he’s still that little guy from brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight#and that’s#maybe who he always wanted to be#really#now that he has had the chance to live the other half#not that he doesnt love being able to affect the world and make a difference#but personally if it was jsut about him#i 100% believe steve would be comfortable in his old body#the body he learned how to fight in and say ‘fuck you world not today’ in#that little kid from brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight but still managed to surround himself with people like bucky and peg#peggy and erskine#and maybe#maybe he needs to remember that kid more often when he’s getting so caught up in being captain america#and he’s probably thinking#thinks#a lot about erskine’s words via im-the-asshole-that.
WAIT WHAT THE HELL TUMBLR I HAD MORE TAGS THAN THAT GO TO YOUR ROOM PLEASE REMOVE THIS APPARENT TAG LIMIT. I SAID MORE ABOUT HOW STEVE THINKS ABOUT HOW ERSKINE SAID A WEAK MAN WHO HAS NEVER KNOWN POWER
ABOUT HOW IF HE HAD BEEN BORN INTO POST SERUM BODY HE MIGHT NOT HAVE ALL THE QUALITIES THAT MAKE HIM CAPTAIN AMERICA RIGHT. BECAUSE HE LEARNED IT ALL IN THAT NINETY POUND ASTHMATIC SCOLIOSTIC IMMUNO COMPRIMISED BODY.
And how maybe he’s grateful, now that he’s further removed from it all.
How he’s grateful and more than that, he’s proud. Like. damn right I was such a stubborn shit. I fucking had to be, didn’t I? Thanks, preserum me. Thanks.